Writing….

 Just me, my words, crystals, tea & magic 💻📝📖🍵✨✨ #staytuned  

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Let’s pretend this is easy

I could have continued on my roller coaster ride and kept it all to myself. I am here because I want the world to stop pretending….pretending that things are easy and short cuts are real. If you purchase a waist cincher I guarantee the biggest change you are going to see will be in your bank account if you don’t implement other changes. 

Are you feeling motivated today? Let’s pretend you are going to wake up like this everyday, you are going to be motivated and do everything you set out to do perfectly. You are going to drink cayenne pepper lemonade drinks, eat celery and chicken, (because that’s how you get skinny fast) won’t ever cheat on your diet and workout 30 minutes a day. Then a magical fairy will come down from the heavens and stop you from feeling as hungry as a ravishing bear just out of hibernation. You wake up one day (like a week later, because that’s how fast we want to see results) looking exactly how you want to….everything is perfect! Because there is such thing as feeling fully satisfied for us women. 😏 Anyone care to stop me?

I’m here to support women by letting them know, hey you’re not alone. It’s totally normal to feel good about yourself, totally guilty about eating food and beat yourself up all within a span of 5 minutes. We are crazy, yes I’ll admit it I’m not normal, but at least I’m not alone in my crazy and neither are you. The part that is often neglected when it comes to reaching weight loss goals is the mental anguish we put ourselves through. I want to help you feel good about yourself at this very moment while you look in that mirror, while slowly working towards what you want to achieve. Slow down the mental beat up, throw the diet out the window (no celery, lemonade fads here) we’ll get more into “dieting” later. Stop! don’t pick up all those cupcakes and still think the results will magically appear, it still takes work. You will have to change things, slowly.  You won’t go from eating rice and beans to lettuce and fish overnight, the best thing is you don’t have to. Carbs are not evil gremlins that make you fat, they are necessary. Losing weight is a process, It’s going to be a long time before you even think anything is happening and even then you won’t be satisfied because you don’t see it but others will. I’m just here to cheer you along the way.

Do you happen to follow any fitness models on Instagram, thinking this is going to inspire you to work out then realize these women have no idea what it’s like to be chunky or considered obese and their biggest battle is trying to eat more because they can’t 😒 . How encouraging is it really for you to see the perfectly shaped abs. Does it really make you feel good about yourself, or shameful? guilty? Because you don’t always make the best choices and sometimes when you’re out with your kids you want some fries too, oh wait that’s me, not you. I love food, my biggest battle is NOT putting food in my mouth. I am learning along the way, I’ve fallen more times than I can count. I’ve also succeeded, yes I’ve had abs…actually we all have them they are just in hibernation waiting for you. I’m here to support your battle against yourself and to create awareness of common pitfalls when embarking on a fitness journey. I won’t stop until it’s done in a balanced fun way.

Despair

I can’t wait to feel like I felt before. To fit into my old clothes that do not remember me anymore. I can’t wait until I look in the mirror satisfied with what I see. Although that’s never been the case, I’ve never been 100% content. Why the torture? Hard to climb out  this feeling feeds me, keeping me confined in a dungeon of sorrow. 

Continuing this same story in my head, will never help me out, instead it will keep me right where I am. Stagnant, defeated…..unmotivated. So how can I climb out? 

Fight! Fight with all my might. No matter what goes on in my head, I’ve realized that to change I have to outsmart myself. 

Our bodies have adapted to “comfort” and will try everything possible to keep us  where we are. Because as much as you want to change….you don’t like change….no one likes change. To get to where you want to go you have to be uncomfortable and who embraces being uncomfortable?  In comfort you don’t grow, only when you step out of your routines, habits will you expand and then transform.

Dissapointed Distracted Discouraged

Waking up in the morning, staring at your puffy face is not the best start to your day. Come on admit it, you’ve had days like this, maybe several ones where you notice your heaviness. This is the ugly part of this battle, the one no one speaks of. Not feeling so great or motivated to stay disciplined . The emotions don’t quietly go away, the feelings increase throughout the rest of your day slowly draining any good thoughts you could have. You go to put on clothes and notice they feel a little too tight, now you’re really upset. Have your coffee or tea starting the day off in a really terrible mood but not completely aware why. Before leaving stare at your workout clothes and wonder why even bother working so hard if the results don’t show. 

Stop….

Grasp your conciousneas before this avalanche of pity submerges you. It’s not going to be easy, how will you feel once you get that workout? So what if it’s been 3 days, a week a month, a year that you haven’t been consistent. Fight this feeling with awareness, don’t go with it. Overcome it by taking action. Even if you become distracted and dissapointed or discouraged in a few days. Do it again and again until you beat it. 

It’s not an easy battle, for some it may be simple to execute. It’s not about it being easy, nothing is ever easy. It’s about looking at your puffy face and telling it it’s ok and you are beautiful anyway but you’re changing this! 

Shame Shame

When I am in my struggle to be fit, my biggest battle is with food. I get bored easily and eating the same basic foods can get boring. It’s one of the reasons why I hate restrictions, another reason is because I love food especially pizza 😇

So I flaunt when I eat healthy and feel so proud of myself 💪🏽 & anything I eat that I “am not supposed” to eat I eat in hiding or with friends that really don’t care. What is the shame in eating? 

The other day I went to whole foods during my lunch break to get a “healthy bite” I was really hungry…..hungry enough to allow my stomach to bypass my brain in choice making and decide on its own. There it was staring back at me boneless fried chicken and Mac & cheese, I felt so guilty even considering it….then I asked for it. Let’s pause for a second….I live in NYC and out of all places for southern cooking….I know…I know…really? From whole foods? Should have thought it through a little better.  For a moment I contemplated about eating it there so no one at work would see me, but I didn’t. I walked into my office and took everything out the bag, I noticed my office door cracked open so I got up to close it. Just when I thought I was safe, my employee walks in and sees the plate and made some snarky comment about my food choice. I could feel my cheeks the tint of beets and I felt so ashamed for a few minutes, I just wanted to blend into the walls. I pondered about that emotion, why the guilt? the shame? It’s only food! 

This gave me the realization of a few things:

When hungry you don’t make the best choices.

Preparation is king.

When making a decision and realizing at the moment it may not be the best choice and you still go with it….enjoy every single bite! 

Give yourself a break, stop the beat up. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Embrace the journey.

Stuck

I think everyone reaches a point where no matter how much exercise you complete, the number on the scale is not budging. Not only is it frustrating, it’s discouraging….it makes you feel like just picking up that pint of ice cream and making love to the spoon. That does sound good, doesn’t it? 

Ok enough with the pity party and feeling frustrated, did you truly eat balanced all week? Or did you over indulge? Did you exercise consistently like you said you would or did you skip out on workouts and make excuses. 

We are quick to get down on ourselves, instead of taking a good look and asking ourselves did I do everything possible today or this week to stick to my goals? What worked? What did not work? 

We expect the results without the work…well this week or month may not have gotten you the results expected but the great thing is tommorow is a new day, what are you going to do with it?

Changes

In the last few weeks (7) to be exact I’ve been focusing on flexible eating. I get to eat normal foods not just chicken and vegetable all the time, if I want to indulge a bit or have a drink I can. So is it a miracle diet? Nope it’s just eating in moderation. I’ve lost about 15lbs and counting so far, slowly reversing all the damage I’ve done by binging in the last 1.5 years. I started following the diet doc program. I highly recommend his book 50 days to your best life- Joe Klemczewski. You will have to track macronutrients and weigh yourself on a daily basis. It does take discipline but you learn a lot about the way your body processes certain nutrients and what works best for you (no cookie cutter crap). Is it fool proof…NO! Like everything else in life it all depends on your effort. I also like that in case things don’t go according to plan I can always improvise. 

Throughout the last few weeks I’ve also been practicing mindfulness, making sure that I am being kind to myself. More and more I am embracing the present moment and it is helping my well being. I can even go shopping and not feel dissapointed anymore…lol. While I work towards what I want, I embrace my body as it is. I wish you the same too! 

Esta’s gorda! 

I cannot deny that a few months ago listening to that phrase would make me cringe. After attaining what seemed like the perfect fit shape, I allowed myself to binge and fall off track inevitably gaining weight. Why did every person need to remind me of my perceived failure? Instantly I would feel ashamed, guilt ensuing my brain. Self confidence plummeting. Sometimes quietly bringing me to tears.

What most people fail to realize is that the “perfect” fit shape came with major sacrifices and a not so healthy mindset. I rarely saw family and friends because as a dominicana functions often involved delicious food and drinks. I worked out about 3 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I was afraid to eat real food that was not part of my diet, that diet was a low carbohydrate, high protein diet with zero fats, no dairy, alcohol, sugar or sodium. Which left me with very little choices. In no way am I judging those that do it, I admire people who are dedicated to that type of lifestyle.  It’s just not realistic for me. Inside I wasn’t truly happy or accepting of myself. I was borderline obsessed, nothing being good enough no matter how chiseled my physique was becoming.

I am not at MY perfect weight, but I am working towards balance, a good relationship with food and emotions toward myself. I am fully aware that while I may be what’s considered gorda to some, I wholeheartedly love and accept my curvas because being healthy starts with your mentality. 

Now the next time someone reminds me of how many extra pounds I put on, I smile and don’t feel the need to give an explanation of why. I am happy on the inside and that’s what counts. 

I am glad to be sharing this journey with you. Look in the mirror today, I hope you know you are beautiful too no matter your size.

How will you respond when well meaning tio Jose or tia Ana decides they need to tell you what you already know? 

As a community we need to stop putting our Latinas down for their beautiful curves, we come in all shapes and size!