MotivationΒ 

so I noticed that most of the time when I write I’m in a “bad place” I guess it’s because being able to express myself makes me feel better when I’m in those situations. Just an interesting observation. 

Well on 7/15/15 I signed up to The Ultimate Oxygen Challenge, (http://www.oxygenmag.com/90daychallenge

it’s a 90 day challenge that comes with exercises, recipes, meal plan etc. I chose #TeamAmanda because I am a huge fan of Amanda Latona and have been following her for at least 10 years she has always been one of my favorite fitness role models. Plus she is the booty queen πŸ‘ΈπŸ½πŸ‘ what lady doesn’t want some amazing ASSets πŸ˜‰.

 I’ve been searching for balance since I decided to take a break after my first competition and I haven’t been able to find it. Quite honestly I haven’t put 100% into anything yet, well I did somewhat following iifym and was getting results, but like most people got thrown off track when I took a vacation. I am still using this approach during the challenge and it’s what I love the most about it, it’s real life! Not a cookie cutter diet or starvation. 

Today is day 19 I’ve seen some changes although nothing major on the scale which can be a little frustrating but I am being patient because I know it could be muscle. This takes time! I am embracing this new found motivation. Plus it really helps that we have a page and a lot of women are engaged so we motivate one another. Which brings me to something important, it’s easy to get derailed when doing something on your own, or you feel alone. This is not easy, find or create a group for accountability by e-mail or text. I created a text group to motivate some other friends while I am doing this challenge too. Everyone needs support. If you don’t know anyone maybe take up classes at the local gym or hire a trainer. If it’s important to you find a way! 

I’ll be updating soon

Healthy kisses 😘 I believe in you! 

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Despair

I can’t wait to feel like I felt before. To fit into my old clothes that do not remember me anymore. I can’t wait until I look in the mirror satisfied with what I see. Although that’s never been the case, I’ve never been 100% content. Why the torture? Hard to climb out  this feeling feeds me, keeping me confined in a dungeon of sorrow. 

Continuing this same story in my head, will never help me out, instead it will keep me right where I am. Stagnant, defeated…..unmotivated. So how can I climb out? 

Fight! Fight with all my might. No matter what goes on in my head, I’ve realized that to change I have to outsmart myself. 

Our bodies have adapted to “comfort” and will try everything possible to keep us  where we are. Because as much as you want to change….you don’t like change….no one likes change. To get to where you want to go you have to be uncomfortable and who embraces being uncomfortable?  In comfort you don’t grow, only when you step out of your routines, habits will you expand and then transform.

Dissapointed Distracted Discouraged

Waking up in the morning, staring at your puffy face is not the best start to your day. Come on admit it, you’ve had days like this, maybe several ones where you notice your heaviness. This is the ugly part of this battle, the one no one speaks of. Not feeling so great or motivated to stay disciplined . The emotions don’t quietly go away, the feelings increase throughout the rest of your day slowly draining any good thoughts you could have. You go to put on clothes and notice they feel a little too tight, now you’re really upset. Have your coffee or tea starting the day off in a really terrible mood but not completely aware why. Before leaving stare at your workout clothes and wonder why even bother working so hard if the results don’t show. 

Stop….

Grasp your conciousneas before this avalanche of pity submerges you. It’s not going to be easy, how will you feel once you get that workout? So what if it’s been 3 days, a week a month, a year that you haven’t been consistent. Fight this feeling with awareness, don’t go with it. Overcome it by taking action. Even if you become distracted and dissapointed or discouraged in a few days. Do it again and again until you beat it. 

It’s not an easy battle, for some it may be simple to execute. It’s not about it being easy, nothing is ever easy. It’s about looking at your puffy face and telling it it’s ok and you are beautiful anyway but you’re changing this! 

Shame Shame

When I am in my struggle to be fit, my biggest battle is with food. I get bored easily and eating the same basic foods can get boring. It’s one of the reasons why I hate restrictions, another reason is because I love food especially pizza πŸ˜‡

So I flaunt when I eat healthy and feel so proud of myself πŸ’ͺ🏽 & anything I eat that I “am not supposed” to eat I eat in hiding or with friends that really don’t care. What is the shame in eating? 

The other day I went to whole foods during my lunch break to get a “healthy bite” I was really hungry…..hungry enough to allow my stomach to bypass my brain in choice making and decide on its own. There it was staring back at me boneless fried chicken and Mac & cheese, I felt so guilty even considering it….then I asked for it. Let’s pause for a second….I live in NYC and out of all places for southern cooking….I know…I know…really? From whole foods? Should have thought it through a little better.  For a moment I contemplated about eating it there so no one at work would see me, but I didn’t. I walked into my office and took everything out the bag, I noticed my office door cracked open so I got up to close it. Just when I thought I was safe, my employee walks in and sees the plate and made some snarky comment about my food choice. I could feel my cheeks the tint of beets and I felt so ashamed for a few minutes, I just wanted to blend into the walls. I pondered about that emotion, why the guilt? the shame? It’s only food! 

This gave me the realization of a few things:

When hungry you don’t make the best choices.

Preparation is king.

When making a decision and realizing at the moment it may not be the best choice and you still go with it….enjoy every single bite! 

Give yourself a break, stop the beat up. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Embrace the journey.

Stuck

I think everyone reaches a point where no matter how much exercise you complete, the number on the scale is not budging. Not only is it frustrating, it’s discouraging….it makes you feel like just picking up that pint of ice cream and making love to the spoon. That does sound good, doesn’t it? 

Ok enough with the pity party and feeling frustrated, did you truly eat balanced all week? Or did you over indulge? Did you exercise consistently like you said you would or did you skip out on workouts and make excuses. 

We are quick to get down on ourselves, instead of taking a good look and asking ourselves did I do everything possible today or this week to stick to my goals? What worked? What did not work? 

We expect the results without the work…well this week or month may not have gotten you the results expected but the great thing is tommorow is a new day, what are you going to do with it?

Changes

In the last few weeks (7) to be exact I’ve been focusing on flexible eating. I get to eat normal foods not just chicken and vegetable all the time, if I want to indulge a bit or have a drink I can. So is it a miracle diet? Nope it’s just eating in moderation. I’ve lost about 15lbs and counting so far, slowly reversing all the damage I’ve done by binging in the last 1.5 years. I started following the diet doc program. I highly recommend his book 50 days to your best life- Joe Klemczewski. You will have to track macronutrients and weigh yourself on a daily basis. It does take discipline but you learn a lot about the way your body processes certain nutrients and what works best for you (no cookie cutter crap). Is it fool proof…NO! Like everything else in life it all depends on your effort. I also like that in case things don’t go according to plan I can always improvise. 

Throughout the last few weeks I’ve also been practicing mindfulness, making sure that I am being kind to myself. More and more I am embracing the present moment and it is helping my well being. I can even go shopping and not feel dissapointed anymore…lol. While I work towards what I want, I embrace my body as it is. I wish you the same too! 

Esta’s gorda!Β 

I cannot deny that a few months ago listening to that phrase would make me cringe. After attaining what seemed like the perfect fit shape, I allowed myself to binge and fall off track inevitably gaining weight. Why did every person need to remind me of my perceived failure? Instantly I would feel ashamed, guilt ensuing my brain. Self confidence plummeting. Sometimes quietly bringing me to tears.

What most people fail to realize is that the “perfect” fit shape came with major sacrifices and a not so healthy mindset. I rarely saw family and friends because as a dominicana functions often involved delicious food and drinks. I worked out about 3 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I was afraid to eat real food that was not part of my diet, that diet was a low carbohydrate, high protein diet with zero fats, no dairy, alcohol, sugar or sodium. Which left me with very little choices. In no way am I judging those that do it, I admire people who are dedicated to that type of lifestyle.  It’s just not realistic for me. Inside I wasn’t truly happy or accepting of myself. I was borderline obsessed, nothing being good enough no matter how chiseled my physique was becoming.

I am not at MY perfect weight, but I am working towards balance, a good relationship with food and emotions toward myself. I am fully aware that while I may be what’s considered gorda to some, I wholeheartedly love and accept my curvas because being healthy starts with your mentality. 

Now the next time someone reminds me of how many extra pounds I put on, I smile and don’t feel the need to give an explanation of why. I am happy on the inside and that’s what counts. 

I am glad to be sharing this journey with you. Look in the mirror today, I hope you know you are beautiful too no matter your size.

How will you respond when well meaning tio Jose or tia Ana decides they need to tell you what you already know? 

As a community we need to stop putting our Latinas down for their beautiful curves, we come in all shapes and size! 

Practice what you preach

A few months ago I went dress shopping and it seemed like every shopping experience I had was a catastrophe. It literally left me in tears every time. Finding anything to wear was challenging. It would bring up how much my body changed, how much weight I gained. Internally I would punish myself, think unkind thoughts about me. Fast forward to just yesterday, I went shopping for an outfit I had a birthday party to go to. At first I thought to myself oh boy here we go again!! This is not going to end well. I decided that I would be extremely concious about this experience and be kind to myself and only think positive things. I tried on a few dresses and it was such a different experience for me because although my body is not where I want it to be, I was ok with that. I still looked at the extra “chichos” that I wish would disappear but I embraced where I am and told myself that I was beautiful anyway. For the first time in a few years (compared to back when I was in tip top shape) I only went to one store and found something to wear, shopping felt effortlessly again. 

Conscious Choices

Whenever you decide to embark on a new fitness journey, it is a concious decision. What happens a week or a month after making this decision? 

Discouragement sets in, Not seeing the results right away can be a frustrating experience. You lose a bit of that focus and give in to that cupcake or extra slice of pizza. I’m not telling you not to indulge once in a while but practice being completely conscious not only of what you are doing to get you closer or farther from your goal but why you are choosing to do so. Often times our actions are determined by what we are telling ourselves internally. Stay alert! Remember you are beautiful with or without those extra pounds.