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Esta’s gorda! 

I cannot deny that a few months ago listening to that phrase would make me cringe. After attaining what seemed like the perfect fit shape, I allowed myself to binge and fall off track inevitably gaining weight. Why did every person need to remind me of my perceived failure? Instantly I would feel ashamed, guilt ensuing my brain. Self confidence plummeting. Sometimes quietly bringing me to tears.

What most people fail to realize is that the “perfect” fit shape came with major sacrifices and a not so healthy mindset. I rarely saw family and friends because as a dominicana functions often involved delicious food and drinks. I worked out about 3 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I was afraid to eat real food that was not part of my diet, that diet was a low carbohydrate, high protein diet with zero fats, no dairy, alcohol, sugar or sodium. Which left me with very little choices. In no way am I judging those that do it, I admire people who are dedicated to that type of lifestyle.  It’s just not realistic for me. Inside I wasn’t truly happy or accepting of myself. I was borderline obsessed, nothing being good enough no matter how chiseled my physique was becoming.

I am not at MY perfect weight, but I am working towards balance, a good relationship with food and emotions toward myself. I am fully aware that while I may be what’s considered gorda to some, I wholeheartedly love and accept my curvas because being healthy starts with your mentality. 

Now the next time someone reminds me of how many extra pounds I put on, I smile and don’t feel the need to give an explanation of why. I am happy on the inside and that’s what counts. 

I am glad to be sharing this journey with you. Look in the mirror today, I hope you know you are beautiful too no matter your size.

How will you respond when well meaning tio Jose or tia Ana decides they need to tell you what you already know? 

As a community we need to stop putting our Latinas down for their beautiful curves, we come in all shapes and size!