Esta’s gorda! 

I cannot deny that a few months ago listening to that phrase would make me cringe. After attaining what seemed like the perfect fit shape, I allowed myself to binge and fall off track inevitably gaining weight. Why did every person need to remind me of my perceived failure? Instantly I would feel ashamed, guilt ensuing my brain. Self confidence plummeting. Sometimes quietly bringing me to tears.

What most people fail to realize is that the “perfect” fit shape came with major sacrifices and a not so healthy mindset. I rarely saw family and friends because as a dominicana functions often involved delicious food and drinks. I worked out about 3 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I was afraid to eat real food that was not part of my diet, that diet was a low carbohydrate, high protein diet with zero fats, no dairy, alcohol, sugar or sodium. Which left me with very little choices. In no way am I judging those that do it, I admire people who are dedicated to that type of lifestyle.  It’s just not realistic for me. Inside I wasn’t truly happy or accepting of myself. I was borderline obsessed, nothing being good enough no matter how chiseled my physique was becoming.

I am not at MY perfect weight, but I am working towards balance, a good relationship with food and emotions toward myself. I am fully aware that while I may be what’s considered gorda to some, I wholeheartedly love and accept my curvas because being healthy starts with your mentality. 

Now the next time someone reminds me of how many extra pounds I put on, I smile and don’t feel the need to give an explanation of why. I am happy on the inside and that’s what counts. 

I am glad to be sharing this journey with you. Look in the mirror today, I hope you know you are beautiful too no matter your size.

How will you respond when well meaning tio Jose or tia Ana decides they need to tell you what you already know? 

As a community we need to stop putting our Latinas down for their beautiful curves, we come in all shapes and size! 

Practice what you preach

A few months ago I went dress shopping and it seemed like every shopping experience I had was a catastrophe. It literally left me in tears every time. Finding anything to wear was challenging. It would bring up how much my body changed, how much weight I gained. Internally I would punish myself, think unkind thoughts about me. Fast forward to just yesterday, I went shopping for an outfit I had a birthday party to go to. At first I thought to myself oh boy here we go again!! This is not going to end well. I decided that I would be extremely concious about this experience and be kind to myself and only think positive things. I tried on a few dresses and it was such a different experience for me because although my body is not where I want it to be, I was ok with that. I still looked at the extra “chichos” that I wish would disappear but I embraced where I am and told myself that I was beautiful anyway. For the first time in a few years (compared to back when I was in tip top shape) I only went to one store and found something to wear, shopping felt effortlessly again. 

Conscious Choices

Whenever you decide to embark on a new fitness journey, it is a concious decision. What happens a week or a month after making this decision? 

Discouragement sets in, Not seeing the results right away can be a frustrating experience. You lose a bit of that focus and give in to that cupcake or extra slice of pizza. I’m not telling you not to indulge once in a while but practice being completely conscious not only of what you are doing to get you closer or farther from your goal but why you are choosing to do so. Often times our actions are determined by what we are telling ourselves internally. Stay alert! Remember you are beautiful with or without those extra pounds. 

Create your success

Today is a brand new day!

 Too frequently we are caught up with yesterday, it’s time to leave it behind and commit to new decisions right now this moment. What will you do differently today choose one small step towards your overall goal. 

Is it to finally keep your word to yourself? How many times do we tell ourselves tomorrow? Tomorrow is today, believe in you!